The Holiday Check In
INTERNET RADIO SHOW TODAY
Dear Readers:
I have received several requests to discuss family relationships based on my books that I presented while on the Oprah team. To this end, I am doing an internet radio show for executive coaches today to discuss several aspects of my work, including families and the Artist’s Way at Work. I have obtained permission for my newsletter readers to participate in that conversation should you choose to do so. The internet radio broadcast site is: www.wsradio.com, Tuesday, December 10th, from 3:00 - 4:00 PM Pacific Standard Time.
You can join the conversation by dialing 888-327-0061. Please join in with me, it will be fun.
To listen on the web: Go to www.wsradio.com, and click the "Listen Live" button at the top. Or, in the Microsoft Internet Explorer box, click Play. (You may need to wait a minute or two for the play to begin.) NOTE: If you can't listen today, you can listen anytime in the archives.
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This newsletter is sponsored by Mark Bryan & Company and The Artist's Way at Work
Become a certified Facilitator of The Artist's Way at Work.
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NEWSLETTER:
On the same topic as today’s discussion, I wanted to share some thoughts about families and holidays and how we might use our creativity to approach old issues. We do not often think about using our creativity in our relationships but my research has proven two facts that are relevant to the season: One – most of us were loved more than we know. Two – we can change our past. Yes, we can change our past by reconstructing our childhood memories from an adult perspective. The full description of this process is in my book Codes of Love, so I won’t go into it here, except to offer some ideas about holiday visits.
First, try to make some contact before the actual visit. Even sharing a phone conversation for a few minutes beforehand can improve a visit. The holidays are weighted with emotional expectations on all sides and benefit from a light-hearted approach and more than a little patience. Yet, both of these can be in short supply if our inner perfectionist starts judging everything we do before the party even starts, and a brief phone conversation can reacquaint us and lessen the pressure to be perfect.
Also, remember that family gatherings are stressful in the best of families, and even positive emotions are still emotions. Keeping this in mind can help us avoid blowing events out of proportion, drinking too much, or being too controlling, isolating or demanding. The more limited or contentious the relationship is, the more important this pre-holiday reminder can be. A brief remembering of good times with dad or mom or sis or grandma can help lessen our anxiety and re-establish our sense of connectedness before everyone crams into the dining room.
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This newsletter is sponsored by Mark Bryan & Company and The Artist's Way at Work
Become a certified Facilitator of The Artist's Way at Work.
January 14-18, 2003 - Seats are limited.
For details visit: The Artist's Way at Work web site
Need the power of The Artist's Way at Work in your company?
Mark Bryan is available for private coaching and consulting.
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Second, if you are visiting from afar stay in a hotel if you can afford it. This gives you and your family the space you need to be alone when necessary. I am in my forties and my mom still gets a bit upset when I won’t crash on the couch like we always did when we visited relatives when I was a kid. I appreciate that she does it because she loves me, but it is better for my sanity (and hers) for me to kindly reassure her that I love her, and keep my own room at the hotel. (If my mom had an extra bedroom that might be different. Might!)
Third, no need to be grandiose with the gifts. I always want to overspend and it just makes me feel guilty afterwards. I do this particularly when I have waited to the last minute to purchase a gift for an important person in my life. As if overspending would compensate for my lack of planning. To aid me in avoiding this trap of procrastination and overspending, I talk a gift plan over with wife and my coach and they help me balance my generosity with my pocketbook and thereby stay solvent in January. ( I admit this is not easy to do, and it often brings up emotions for me, particularly when money is tight.)
Fourth, I try to do something specific with each family member when I can. A few minutes at a coffee shop with a niece to see how she is doing, an hour or so shopping with my brother for his wife’s gift. Small moments like these allow the quiet spirit of the holidays to reveal itself in private moments of connection.
Fifth, I do not believe that the holidays have to be all about sweetness and light. Life has struggles to it, and not everyone is going to be on their best behavior, including me. (I often feel like scrooge when I am getting dressed to go to a holiday function, yet once I am there I have a great time.) So, I have to accept that there will be moments of human imperfection in my behavior and in the behavior of others. I try to apologize for my mistakes quickly and not dwell on the mistakes of others. We are, after all, only human.
I wish you all the merriest of Holidays. Thank you for your patience and support.
Mark Bryan
P. S.: I promised a response to several requests to return to private teaching and coaching. So, in the spirit of our on-going dialogue together, I have two things to report:
- First, I have developed several new approaches to personal achievement that build on our earlier success with The Artist’s Way and The Artist’s Way at Work and have decided to adjust my usual lecture routine to teach this combined process privately and in one-on-one coaching. I am very excited about the power of this expanded work.
I currently have slots available in a very small and confidential client list. Ideal clients are determined and successful people who might appreciate some help to further their efforts, both personally and professionally. As most of you know, aspects of my work are already used by many executive coaches and trainers around the world, particularly in the fields of creativity, innovation, personal finances, and family relationships – all topics on which I have published. It will be fun for me to personally employ those techniques one-on-one again. (I will continue my keynote speaking and corporate consulting.)
- Second, for those of you living in or around Los Angeles, I am starting a new set of private workshops in the area January, 2003, and will teach an introductory workshop, a weekend intensive, and an entire 12 week seminar that combines my new techniques with the original Artist’s Way and Artist’s Way at Work.
For any of you who are family therapists or social workers, The Artist’s Way at Work is now certified by the California Board of Behavioral Science for continuing education credits and I begin teaching a series of seminars at the Kaiser Medical Foundation on January 10th.
Thank you for reading this "commercial" about the new offerings and I look forward to working privately with some of you. Feel free to contact my office for details and let me know if I can be of service. Again, I wish you the happiest of Holiday Seasons. Thanks in advance for your consideration or any referrals you might make.
You can reach me at www.markbryan.com, or by phone at 626-535-0141.
Mark Bryan
P.S. To see a list of proven client objectives and outcomes and a brief bio visit the new coaching section of our website.
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